The Exhaustion Funnel
You are receiving this email because you have attended a Physio appointment, course or webinar with us. Please feel free to unsubscribe at any time!
I have just returned from a very nourishing four days in the Bush, leading a mindfulness retreat for Physios.
We meditated, did yoga, qi gong, walking meditations and walks through the bush. We spent a day in silence, shared meals communally that we had bought along from home, braaied marshmallows on the open fire and connected to the rain, wind, bird song and sunshine around us.
There were long breaks in the day where we could nap, run, walk or read. It was a time to slow down, reflect on how noisy our days are and how seldom we allow ourselves to rest and be slow.
The Psychologist who is my supervisor for my mindfulness teaching asked why I wanted to host a retreat for Physios. “They are tired.” I replied.
I came precariously close to an all fall down burn out earlier this year and the perspective I’ve gained since then has been fascinating.
While preparing for the retreat, and creating a session on Nourishing versus Depleting activities in a day, I came across the work of Dr Marie Asberg, a Professor at the Karolinksa institute in Stockholm who specialises in burn out. I wish I had seen this image a few months ago.
When our lives are well balanced, we are in the top rung of the funnel, and our days comprise of work, chores, rest and play. If we become more overwhelmed with work, the first area to drop off is play, followed by rest and then chores.
Once our days are primarily dedicated to work, we very quickly tend towards exhaustion and burn out.
As you spiral down, you give up the things that you enjoy, but, in your mind, seem “optional.” You stop doing activities that nourish you, leaving time only for work or other stressors that drain you…
Earlier this year I found myself back to back with client after client, studying for my post graduate course in the evenings and teaching Physio and mindfulness courses on the weekends. I was training for a half marathon on top of my usual gym and yoga classes and although I have lots of help at home with housekeeping and school lifts, chores were beginning to fall by the way side as I scrambled to even keep up with replying to emails and whatsapps, couldn’t bring myself to listen to voice notes and didn’t answer or return phone calls for months.
I began to forget things that aren’t life threatening, but are important to me. Like friend’s Birthday’s, or checking in with how a new job or family member’s cancer treatments were going. As I gave all my care and patience to the ladies in my treatment room, my family got the left over distracted, exhausted and grumpy remnants of me.
I have been surprised to learn that I am not alone in dropping these balls when overwhelmed. Getting into bed at night and readying myself to reply to the 48 unread whatsapps that awaited me from the day; would make me want to cry. So I ignored them.
In amongst this all; my arm got sore (and I became terrified that the return of the oedema that plagued me after my last melanoma cancer indicated I had more cancer), my headaches and neck tension increased and my thyroid began to play up. I became so depleted and overwhelmed by mid year that I very nearly closed my practice altogether.
My silent retreat shone a light on how unsustainable my days were. It revealed how the love for the work I do is also my problem, as I battle with boundaries around my hours. I’ve since realised that 4 hours of ladies a day nourishes me; and more than that depletes me if I work every day.
I’ve had to negotiate with the voice in my head telling me to be grateful to have a waiting list and to just push through and see more people when other practices and businesses’ are quiet in these difficult times. I’ve struggled with accepting that while other Physios can see 8 -12 clients a day, I simply can not. I just don’t have the energetic capacity to do so. A bitter pill to swallow for a constant striver like myself.
I’ve also had to be firm with my decision to reduce my hours in my office every day (which has not always been well received by others).
If we think of our inner well being as a bank account, we simply can not always be drawing out of it, we need to make regular deposits into it to. These deposits are those of rest and play and self care.
If this is resonating with you, you could try the following exercise in reflecting on what NOURISHES versus DEPLETES you in a day.
Write down a list of everything you do in a typical day, from when you wake up until when you go to bed. Now reflect on your list and place an ‘N’ next to what nourishes you, lifts your mood and energises you and a ‘D’ for what depletes you, pulls you down and drains your energy. If it both nourishes and depletes you, place an N/D or D/N.
How is your list looking? Where are you in the image of the exhaustion funnel? (Remembering that work isn’t only what you receive money for, it’s anything you feel you have to do in a day).
The balance of N’s versus D’s doesn’t need to be perfectly equal, as one nourishing activity may be more helpful than 5 depleting ones, but this exercise can help to highlight if you are very out of balance.
Some of the common reasons we find to avoid altering the balance between nourishing and depleting activities (are usually very solid-sounding and altruistic):
• Where do I find the time for myself when I’m balancing being a mum, career woman, a wife and homemaker?
• Not now, not yet, maybe someday – when this project/term/year is finished
• There are just things in life I don’t have a choice over, like going to work
• If I don’t keep up right now, I will fall behind and it will be worse next week/month
• It’s embarrassing to show weakness or vulnerability at work
• I’m only allowed to do something that I enjoy once all my obligations to others, or to my work, have been completed
• It would be wrong to put myself first when I have so many caring responsibilities
On the surface, these approaches seem reasonable, but in time, if you don’t rebalance your life, you will become less effective at everything you do.
We only have this one body to live in, and chronic stress and exhaustion can inflame us and weaken our physical health and well being.
If you are sliding down the exhaustion funnel and feeling overwhelmed, try and start with small baby steps to nourish yourself. Please consider seeing a therapist or a Doctor if you are worried about your mood.
Do something that is fun and playful on your own or with a friend. Spend some time in nature. REST. Lie on your bed and stare out the window or listen to a meditation or some music. Do a small task that will make you feel like you have achieved something like tidying a drawer. Ask for help from those around you. And see if you can be kind to yourself as you reflect on your list. There is no one on this earth more deserving of self compassion, than YOU.
With love,
Lulu x